08.13.07

Quotes on Clinton

Posted in Humor at 13:49 by Borniet

“Bill Clinton is everywhere now promoting his new book. I believe the last
time Clinton did a media blitz like this it was to deny everything that’s in
this book.” David Letterman

“Bill Clinton’s book went on sale today at long last. Earlier today hundreds
of people waited outside of Barnes and Noble in the pouring rain for a chance
to meet Bill Clinton. When asked if she minded the rain, one woman said, ‘I’m
meeting Bill Clinton. I just assumed my dress would get ruined.’”

Conan
O’Brien

“It’s actually longer than the new Harry Potter book. And both of them, I
believe, are about a boy and his wand.”

David Letterman, on Clinton’s book

“This weekend 1,000 people lined up at Barnes and Noble to see Bill Clinton.
Not to buy his book, but to give him a Father’s Day card.”

Craig Kilborn

“After his affair became public Clinton says he had to sleep on the couch
for two months. It gets worse with Hillary”

Craig Kilborn

“In an upcoming interview with Dan Rather, Bill Clinton says he had an affair
with Monica Lewinsky ‘just because I could.’ And a moment later Hillary said
the same thing after she hit him with a lamp.”

Craig Kilborn

“President Bill Clinton’s autobiography is coming out next week. Clinton is
going on one of those book tours in New York City next week and they are
expecting huge crowds. So, to keep the crowd moving, he’ll only sign one
breast.”

David Letterman

“Bill Clinton’s new memoir has already had orders for 1.5 million copies. In
fact, it’s already in its third printing. The first two were stained.”

David Letterman

“Bill Clinton’s memoir, which is coming out in June, is called ‘My Life.’ I
believe it’s an oral history. … They say it should be a good read even for
people who are unfamiliar with Bill Clinton, you know, like Hillary.”

Jay Leno

“Bill Clinton has a brand new book coming out in a few months and the
Democrats are worried that the Clinton book might upstage the Kerry
campaign. I’m thinking, hell, day-old meat loaf could upstage that campaign.”

David Letterman

“Don’t kid yourself, this is disturbing. Stories coming out about degrading
photographs, nude pyramids, sexual humiliation. Of course I’m talking about
Bill Clinton’s memoir.”

David Letterman

“A new article in Vanity Fair says Bill Clinton is having trouble finishing
his new book, entitled ‘My Life,’ in time to meet his deadline. It’s not too
surprising, since you can only type so fast using one hand.”

Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update”

“Bill Clinton’s publisher says he’s just about finished writing his memoirs.
The last chapter is titled, ‘Hold On, I Just Found Out Halle Berry Is
single.’”

Craig Kilborn

“Clinton’s book could be close to 700 pages. What is this? Even Clinton’s
books are fat.”

Jay Leno

“The $10 million Clinton is getting for his book beats the old record of $8.5
million paid to the Pope. How do you think this makes the Pope feel? The man
dedicates his life to the 10 Commandments, he gets 8.5. Clinton breaks every
one of them, he gets 10.”

Jay Leno

“Just like Clinton, the book will come with a jacket and no pants.”

Jay Leno

“Clinton has been mulling over titles for his memoirs but publishers have
already told him he can’t use the ‘Ass Menagerie.’ … Editors are reportedly
hoping for 1000 pages, but Clinton wants it considerably shorter so it hurts
less when Hillary throws it at him.”

Craig Kilborn

“Today the publisher of Bill Clinton’s book said the last draft does include
Clinton’s description of all his infidelities. Yes, look for it in
bookstores in the hernia section.”

Craig Kilborn

“Isn’t this amazing? Clinton is getting $8 million for his memoir, Hillary
got $8 million for her memoir. That is $16 million for two people who for
eight years couldn’t remember anything.” Jay Leno

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