Borniet's Weblog

Santa Story

Borniet — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 13:33:35 +0000

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Shit happens

Borniet — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:23:50 +0000

Taoism: shit happens.
Hare Krishna: shit happens rama rama ding ding.

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Islam: if shit happens take a hostage.

Zen: what is the sound of shit happening?

Buddhism: when shit happens is it really shit?

Confucianism: Confucius says shit happens.

7th day Adventist: shit happens only on Saturdays.

Protestantism: shit wont happen if I work harder.

Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.

Jehova’s witness: knock knock shit happens.

Unitarian: what is this shit?

Mormons: shit happens again and again.

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?

Rastafarianism: hey, lets smoke the shit!

HTML Summary

Borniet — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 23:28:12 +0000

A summary of the most used HTML tags, handy to have around!

Regular Expressions to keep

Borniet — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 23:27:24 +0000

A short and handy list of useful regexps.

Dilbert’s Quotes from InDuhViduals

Borniet — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 20:56:05 +0000

From Dilberts DNRC Newsletter:

“There’s more than one way to peel a cat.”

“That woman uses olive oil like it grows on trees.”

“He’d give you the arm off his back.”

“You play ball with me and I’ll scratch yours.”

“We do not have a smoking cow at this point.”

“It’s our golden goose. We better figure out how to make her purr.”

“You are in the top one hundred percent.”

“She has four kids, and she’s pregnant with her third.”

“He’d still be alive today if he hadn’t died.”

“How many quarters can you cut an apple into?”

“The gunman was believed to be armed.”

“Why don’t they just put the water back in the lake when it’s been through the generator?”

“I’m up to my earballs in work.”

“It’s a dog eat dog world, and by golly, we better make sure we’re the dog.”

“I’m up to my ass in elbows and alligators.”

“Is your nephew a boy or a girl?”

“Put yourself in my pants.”

“I just got bit by a bee! Those damn bees have the sharpest teeth I have ever seen!”

“Do you think this store has any of that fellatio bread?” “This week, if not sooner.”

“People are dying like pancakes around here.”

New Camera’s from Canon & Nikon

Borniet — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:08:54 +0000

Both Canon and Nikon have announced 2 new digital SLR camera’s this week. Let’s take a look at them.

Canon:

EOS 1Ds MarkIII:

- 21 Megapixel FullFrame (35mm) CMOS sensor

- continous-shots at 5 fps with a max of 56 frames

- two “DIGIC III” processors

- Highlight Tone Priority

- autofocussystem with 19 ‘cross type’ sensors and 26 AF assistpoints

- integrated EOS Cleaning System

- ISO 100-1600 (expandable to L:50 H:3200)

- 3,0” 230K pixel LCD-screen with Live View Mode

- from the ground up redesigned viewer for wider and brighter image.

Estimated price: € 8999.00

EOS 40D:

- 10,1 Megapixel APS-C CMOS sensor

- continous-shots at 6,5 bps, with a max of 75 JPEG frames

- new AF system with 9 ‘cross-type’ sensors

- DIGIC III processor

- 3,0” LCD with Live View Mode

- integrated EOS Cleaning System
Estimated price body € 1549.00

Nikon:

D3:
- FX-format 12.1 megapixel CMOS sensor
(23.9 x 36mm)
- 51 point autofocussystem
- 9 fps

- 14-bits analogue-to-digital-conversion

- 3 inch VGA LCD-screen with liveview

- Function for wireless networks

D300:

- DX-format 12.3 megapixel CMOS sensor
(23,6 x 15,8mm)

- 51 point autofocussystem

- 6 fps

- 3 inch VGA LCD-screen with liveview

- selfcleaning sensor

Seems like Nikon did decide to jump on the Full Frame wagon, and go on a chase after Canon!

The Sartorialist

Borniet — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 21:37:44 +0000

The Sartorialist, a blog started by an ex-design-clothing seller, who felt that there was a disconnect between what he was selling in the showroom and what he was seeing really cool people wear on the streets.

After 9/11 he closed his showroom, and started focussing more on photography, yet, he didn’t want to become the standard everyday fashion photographer. He tries to shoot people on the street the way desingers look at people. In a way, his aim is to close the gap between real-life people and designers.

Definately go out and take a look at his blog:

http://www.thesartorialist.com

IT people definitions

Borniet — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:10:10 +0000

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women
can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will
take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman
can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a
baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can
deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need
a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether
the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy
with the PROCESS to produce a baby

Car forums

Borniet — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 11:58:40 +0000

Bentley Forums
- - - I used the ashtray today. How do I replace it?

BMW Forums
- - - What ARE these orange lights on the corner of my car for?

Lamborghini forum
- - - Wind noise around 210MPH.

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- - - My girl was seen with my brother and his friend. How can I kill ‘em? btw, I have a record and I ain’t going back.
Mustang forums
- - - Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
- - - Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain’t stolen….

Civic forums
- - - Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- - - The Save the Earth concert was a success.

Yugo Forum
- - - When’s the last time yours ran?

Miata forums
- - - Some redneck in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car.

Chevy Tahoe forum
- - - Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- - - Just bought a new flame retardant suit.

BMW 7-series forum
- - - Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Chevy Suburban Forum
- - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon?

Buick Forum
- - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I’m from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- - - How come people never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA’s?

Ferrari forums
- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Jaguar forum
- - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mercedes forum
- - - My wife and her rat lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Mini forum
- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company.

Dodge Viper forum
- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- - - Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- - - Where’s the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don’t forget where I’m supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He’s 25 miles away. That’s $450 in gas.

Fiat forum
- - - Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Supra Forums
- - - Head too big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Ford 2.3 forums
- - - Help! Replaced everything, still doesn’t start!

Truths about age

Borniet — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 11:52:45 +0000

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having a girlfriend that thinks you a really good looking
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having a girlfriend that thinks you are really good looking
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.